If you ask me for particular instances of emotional abuse while I was a child, I will have a very hard time telling you some. Truth be told, I have a hard time remembering most of my childhood! Weird? Not as much as you may think!
I don’t remember almost anything of my childhood. I can recall certain events, but I don’t remember most of my early school years. Actually, I can count on two hands the events I remember until I was in high school, and even then they’re extremely scattered. But I also don’t remember my family life, having only snippets of events in my mind. Some I only remember because there are photographs – such as birthday parties. When mentioning this to my mother a few years ago, she said I probably repressed the memories, for some reason.
That reason, as I found out later on once I started therapy, is trauma.
Did you know you may have endured trauma and not actively remember it taking place? Repeated emotional abuse will create actual physical changes to your brain: mainly in the hippocampus and amygdala.
The hippocampus is responsible for memory (and learning), while the amygdala will house emotions such as fear, guilt, envy, shame, grief, and so on. Studies show that repeated emotional trauma will actually shrink your hippocampus, making you lose the memory of traumatic events.
In turn, the amygdala will become enlarged due to the victims being in a constant state of fear and anxiety, always on the lookout for the next thing to happen. The amygdala is also responsible for our flight or fight reaction, and therefore basically “remembers” what you have forgotten, in the form of feelings.
This is a defense mechanism and only shows how amazing the brain works. It literally will make you forget things that cause you emotional pain! However, your body will still remember. You may remember feeling scared or having a lump in your throat in certain situations without even knowing why. You may have a physical reaction to something or someone and have no idea why your body is reacting that way.
It’s extremely important to take these feelings seriously because they are trying to tell you something! You may even have your memories rush back in, once you least expect, simply because your brain knows that you are finally ready to endure and face them.
The brain is the center of everything, it’s kind of our motherboard, if you’re into technology you will know what I mean. It’s where all of your data is stored, where all of your actions come from. These include automatic ones, such as breathing or blinking, or those which happen on purpose, like when you decide to jump over a puddle or dance to a certain song.
If you read the lines above and are now afraid that your brain has long-lasting damages due to your experiencing emotional trauma, fear not! Luckily, studies have also shown that the hippocampus is able to regrow when you start dealing with your emotional trauma. This means, that once you start going to therapy and working on healing the marks that emotional abuse left in your life, your brain will follow suit and heal as well. How amazing is that? We have the ability to heal ourselves!
You may now think that you have no idea where to start. I understand your fears. Truly, I do. I have gone through the same thing and had the same thoughts go through my mind. And I want to use my knowledge to help you start the long journey of healing your trauma. Reach out to me if you want to know how to start undoing your trauma!