One day you decided enough was enough, and you’re going to break the cycle, heal your trauma, and become a better person. But you weren’t expecting the universe to send you so many curveballs, and you ask yourself every day why on earth it has to be this hard.
Today, I’m explaining to you why it has to be like that.
Generational cycles will continue going on until someone decides to break them. Coming to the decision of wanting to break the cycle of generational trauma, abuse, and patterns, may well be the most important step you’ll take, but it is just the first one of many steps in the journey you’re about to go on.
After so many generations making the same mistakes and repeating the cycle over and over again, some resistance to change is to be expected. And the Universe will send you tests, to make sure you’re worthy of this journey. It will try to deviate you from the path you’re walking. This will happen in many different ways and I can guarantee you, there will be times when you will want to give up. There will be times when you will question yourself, question if this is what you really want to do, question why it is so hard, why you have to do it alone, and you’ll ask yourself if everyone else goes through this. They do. We do.
I am going to be very honest with you: those around you will not always be happy to see you heal yourself. You may think this will be the case only with close family – the ones repeating the cycle – but it is the ones you’d never expect to be resistant to your change, that will surprise you. Your friends; and I mean close friends, people you thought would be by your side until the end of days. Those friends with whom you had so many experiences, whom you’ve known for years – sometimes even decades.
See, when you embark on a healing journey, you will evolve, you will change and not everyone will like it or support it. Breaking the cycle is not easy, and the unknown of what lies beyond can be terrifying. It means standing up for yourself, putting boundaries up and sometimes, unfortunately, it means less or no contact with family members who are toxic and unable to respect your decision. Not everyone is willing to do what it takes to break the cycle of trauma.
And then this happens: those who don’t want to go on the same journey, may (consciously or unconsciously) try to keep you back, drag you down, and prevent you from evolving. This will be a crucial moment on your healing path, a moment when you will have to decide if you want to keep going or stay. Only you can decide what you want to do. Going on will mean losing people you don’t want to lose. It will mean uncertainty, walking a path you’ve never been on and doing it on your own is scary! It’s okay to be scared, it’s okay to not want to do it (alone), all of that is okay, but you should keep going.
Do it, scared, but DO it!
One of the hardest parts of a healing journey is letting people go. For someone who experienced emotional trauma, it feels so wrong to put yourself first, to make yourself a priority, after years of people-pleasing and putting everyone else first. If, like me, you grew up in a family who used guilt-tripping to keep you “in line”, who made you feel guilty if you had so much as a different opinion than them, it will be even harder.
But at the end of the day, those around you do not have to have the same desires as you. They don’t have to want to grow, to want to evolve, to want to heal their trauma. And some of them may want to do it, but not be willing to do what it takes. That is also okay. However, you need to do what is best for YOU and the generations who come after you. And if you have children of your own, I personally believe it is your duty.
Healing is an individual journey, unique to you.
This doesn’t mean you won’t find people who went through it, who felt similar things, who can relate to what you are going through or went through! But it is still YOUR journey. Sometimes it doesn’t mean you will lose someone forever, sometimes it’s just temporary. The truth is, you cannot know it unless you do it.
I’ve lost people close to me, friends whom I thought were going to be here forever, people I loved and still love. But I knew, I needed to work on myself first, I needed to put my own healing above anything else, for mine and my son’s sakes.
You can only help others if you have gone through things yourself, and if you haven’t done the work.
Only you can decide: Is healing worth it for you?