Every year, we’re bombarded with movies about the perfect mom, sappy social media posts, and endless articles on how to shower your mother with love (preferably through expensive gifts). It’s a day overflowing with gratitude for mothers who raised us, put up with us, and seemingly sacrificed everything. Motherhood is presented as the ultimate goal, the pinnacle of achievement.
But what if Mother’s Day isn’t any of that for you?
What if it just brings up pain? What if the thought of your mother evokes fear and anxiety? What about those who’ve lost children, or yearn for children they can’t have? Maybe seeing everyone else celebrate just makes you cry, fills you with jealousy, or tears open old wounds. Perhaps your relationship with your mother evokes obligation, resentment, or even terror, rather than love.
This side of Mother’s Day is rarely acknowledged, yet it’s incredibly real for many of us.
For those with wonderful mothers, that’s fantastic, and I am genuinely happy for you! But experiences differ, not everyone was as lucky to have a loving mother, not everyone has a good relationship (if any at all) with their mothers. Not everyone wants to hear the “good mom” narrative. For some, Mother’s Day is a day to navigate intense emotions, especially if your mother caused you harm.
There are no cards for that. There’s no “Thanks for abandoning me” or “Happy Mother’s Day (but I mostly feel anger)” on the shelves. There’s no card for those who can’t express love, but only fear or frustration towards their mothers.
What about those who don’t have a Mother’s Day brunch or tea planned? The ones who just want to hide under the covers until it’s over? Perhaps you never had a good mother, but now you are a mother yourself, and constantly battle the fear of repeating the cycle.
Some will spend the day yearning for a mother they never had, a mother they believe they don’t deserve.
But what if Mother’s Day isn’t a celebration for you? What if it’s a glaring reminder of a relationship you never had, a motherhood you yearn for, or a loss that cuts deep? How do you navigate a day saturated with happy messages when your reality feels so different?
Maybe Mother’s Day just sucks for you. And it is perfectly okay to acknowledge that.